"They say there is a reason, they say that time will heal, but neither time nor reason, will change the way we feel.... For no-one knows the heartache, that lies behind our smiles... no-one knows how many times, we have broken down and cried..."

September 7, 2016
By Sandra Claar

Hi everyone! I want to start this post with saying "Thank You".. Thank each and every one of you for taking the time to support, pray, think of, ask about, and/or visit Trevor and our family over the past 2.5 months... You truly do not know what it has done for us, and there, unfortunately, is no way we could ever accurately even begin to describe it, unless you and/or a loved one have been through it yourselves.

This post is most importantly to give you all a long overdue follow-up on Trevor, his medical status, rehabilitation progress, and his overall health and wellness. I will then share insight, from a family member's perspective (obviously my own), on how Trevor's accident, loss, and entire tragic situation, is not, by any means, his alone. Should you be solely interested in HOW Trevor is, WHAT he's doing, and WHERE this all leaves him, you will not offend me in the slightest to only read the parts pertaining to same, so I will clearly mark the start and finish of one part before moving on to the next. I can't be sure that I, being in your position before such tragedy changed my life, outlook, and perspective on things, wouldn't do the same and skip the "rambling" that is about to take place with a fore-warning that no point is to be made in same.... still following? If so, wow.. you're good.. LOL.

Trevor, Trevor, Trevor...............
I mean the dude is a mother-freakin' Rock Star (what I chose to type versus what I actually said based solely on the thought of what my Pop would think or say if he was still with us and reading this). Yes, I may be biased; however, I guarantee that he will never show you anything on the contrary.
Okay, aside from how strikingly handsome, undeniably cool, and uncomprehendingly genuine he is, MEDICALLY speaking (because that's what you REALLY want to know, right!?!) he's doing much better than he was, but still has great lengths to go.

Let's start with the GOOD and the GREAT....
-On Tuesday, July 26th (4.5 weeks from the accident) Trevor put his ICU days in the rear-view, once and for all.
-On Monday, August 1st, Trevor participated in his first therapy session (occupational).
-On Thursday, August 11th, Trevor got his neck brace off and started working on strengthening the muscles supporting his head, eventually allowing him to turn his face from side to side and to look up and down... You know, the small things that we've never thought to thank God for allowing us to do.
-As of Wednesday, August 24th (exactly TWO MONTHS to the day from the accident), Trevor is FINALLY infection free and not taking a single antibiotic. Can I get a HALLELUJAH!?

So, like I said... Trevor is a what.... (I'll let you fill this one in).

Although a Rock Star, STARS can't SHINE withOUT DARKNESS.....
We've quickly and literally learned to take the good with the bad.. so with all of August's accomplishments and goods given, we also took on the bad August gave us with the development (and defeat) of Staph infection, an emergency surgery wherein Trev gave his appendix the eviction notice, discussions on another upcoming surgery, and the continued constant feelings of fatigue and pain- in forms some of you may not even know existed: accident pain, surgery pain, nerve pain, and workout pain/muscle soreness.

What's being done about it and where does this leave him?
-I'll leave the answer to these questions (FOR NOW) within a quote..

"Start where you are, use what you have, and do what you can.... because what you do today will improve your tomorrow"...

-With the exception of adding.... Trevor's therapy schedule is still on the lighter side, due to the aforementioned trials, tests, and setbacks experienced thus far, averaging roughly only 5-12.5 hours per week, of said therapy, over the past month.
-Our profound and continued hopes in terms of his therapy and subsequent rehabilitation and level of recovery are that his hours of same are increased as his strength grows each day.

I will not speak on behalf of Trevor's emotional state, thoughts, and feelings- not because he has not shared them with me- but because, unfortunately, they are not mine to share- although, I would take this all from him in a split second, if really ever given the chance to.... SO, I will share mine instead....

Why do I feel the need to share with the world MY feelings? To be honest, I haven't the slightest clue; but, of the MANY things I've learned over the past two months, a VERY important one is:

-Don't EVER question doing something that makes YOU happy or makes YOU feel better, and don't, for even a SECOND, think you owe anyone any type of explanation for doing same.... because LIFE IS TOO DAMN SHORT FOR THAT NONSENSE.

Okay, ME (Sandra Powell- Trevor's oldest of two sisters)..
First, simply because I think it shows just how crazy I have become (or maybe have truly always been but its just begun to reveal itself, steadily creeping its' way from the shadows) and may give you a laugh as it has me, I literally did a web graph (or chart- whatever you prefer to call it) for this post. I don't mean on some fancy app from my Iphone (because although I am only 26, I am so ignorant to today's technological advances it isn't even funny) no, I literally hand wrote out a chart with a hundred arrows pointing any which way to organize it all into three different categories: emotionally, medically, and prospectively (because I had-and still have-no clue where to start).. so bear with me or check back in a few days for the next update on Trev (see, told you I would let you know when the ramble was about to commence)!

--Medically-- (because it has the least amount of arrows.... )
-Sounds silly, right? Why, on earth, would anyone think MY medical state should be of any concern, relevance, or importance in this "situation" when we just got finished talking about my little brother and the medical state HE'S in??????? Well, I asked myself the same question (obviously), and when I thought that was stupid and almost dismissed entertaining that "category" all together, I realized how relevant it actually was and how drastically it's changed since THE accident. To try and make this as painless on myself and YOU, we are going to play a little game of: Never Have I Ever, come on, y'all know you know that one..


--been so tired--
--so depressed--
--so inactive--
--so unhealthy-- and
--so just UNstable--
-IN MY ENTIRE LIFE, than I am now.

--Emotionally & My Perspective-- (I know I said there would be three categories, well I changed my mind and combined the two, somewhere along the lines, the arrows got confused).

--said the things I meant and meant the things I've said, than I do now--
--had such little tolerance for one who dwells on, strives from, and/or promotes any of the following: self-pity, for lack of a better word- just plain ole'- bullshit, two-faced, self-interested, and/or those who share deceptive or false memories, intentions, or actions, than I do now--
--given my thoughts so openly and honestly, because I always worried about how they would handle the truth behind the words I spoke; although, they'd been long overdue and so well deserved, than I do now--
--cared so little about a few things I once spent so much time caring about, such as: how I physically look, finances and financial security, next year or the next ten, and what people thought of me or it, than I do now--
--I try, instead, to take and invest more in the "moments" of things versus the "memory"--
--(back to the NEVER HAVE I EVER... sorry threw us off there with that one LOL)--
--been so open, accepting, and nonjudgmental to the opinions/ideas/perspectives/ and/or behaviors that don't align with my own, than I do now--
--spoke so little, but thought so much, than I do now--
--thought so little and cared so less (when I do finally "talk"-substance wise) about how the receiving end interprets what I've said, than I do now--
--pushed people away and isolated myself from everybody and everything (although I've never been known to keep anything but a small circle), than I do now--
--had such an appreciation, understanding, and amount of respect for the *majority* of individuals who have devoted themselves, their educations, their careers, and their hearts to healthcare, than I do now--
--been more proud of my little sister, Kelsey, for her decision (PRE-accident) to become an RN and settle at not a damn thing less, than I am now--
--felt so completely obligated to tell the very few that fall outside of the majority just covered just what a mistake and disgrace they are to the field of medicine and to the true medical professionals, than I do now--
--shared such honest and imperfect insight, thoughts, feelings, and opinions pertaining to my personal life, as I am now--
--been so unsure and numb to so many things, OTHER THAN (which honestly has really taken me by surprise) my FAITH in God and HIS plan in all of this, than I am now--
--been so incredibly humbled, taken aback by, and gracious for some, while at the same time, been so disgusted, irate, and oddly enough- unsurprised- by others, than I am now--
--felt so thankful, devastated, hopeful, and sickened, while all at the same time seeing with such clarity- for the first time in my entire life, than I do now--
--been so unsure about SO much, but SO certain about others, than I am now--
--seen so clearly what I want out of this life- while having not even the slightest idea what it will be like from one day to the next, than I do now--
--been OKAY with what the heck I just said: not having a clue what my life has in store for me with what time I have left, than I am now--
--not cared about chasing "perfection" (realizing that is one chase that we will never win and in doing so, we set ourselves up for failure), than I do now--

and FINALLY, I leave you with.....

---NEVER HAVE I EVER, not only shared all of this personal (and arguably incriminating in one sense or another) information with anyONE other than a VERY select few- if even at all-, but even more-so, NEVER HAVE I EVER shared so much without a conclusion, answer, or reason in doing so and been OKAY with that LOL..... SO, if you find any, feel free to pass em' along..... but until then, allow this to suffice.....

"They say there is a reason, they say that time will heal, but neither time nor reason, will change the way we feel.... For no-one knows the heartache, that lies behind our smiles... no-one knows how many times, we have broken down and cried..."

Yours Truly,
Trev's Sis.

#StayStrongClaar #TrevItUp #ClaarItUp